Loving My Unhealthy Lifestyle

Ive been laying in bed for the last two hours thinking about the craziest things. Most of them have to do with a special certain someone in my life. But as I was laying here I got to thinking if I have ever been IN love. I came to a conclusion. Here is my theory on this crazy thing called love. There are two parts to love: being IN love with someone, and loving someone. Sounds the same right? -- Wrong.
There are many people that I have loved in my life. From my secret crushes through out school to my closest friends and of course my family. I love a lot of people, but i've only ever been IN love with one.

The difference between being IN love and loving someone is simple. You can love a lot of people, but for me personally there has only been one person that I have truly loved more than myself, this is how I know that i'm IN love. Sounds weird but if you really think about it, its completely true. Everyone loves themselves.. even if they don't want to admit it; they do. Its part of the human mind. A necessary part of living. If you don't love yourself, then you are incapable of survival. 

When you find someone that becomes part of that if then statement, thats when you know.  If you don't love (insert name here), then you are incapable of survival. This is where i'm at right now. Fighting over the fact that i'm actually IN love. Why do I fight it? Its a hard thing to do. Giving something more than words can explain to one single person and hope that they will return the favor is a scary thing to do.

A good friend of mine and myself once had a scenario (for lack of a better word) that we used to give to each other to try and explain our boy situations. It has to do with a cliff.
Being on the edge-- Yeah I kinda like him, but i'm still lookin
Hangin off the edge-- I like him, but i'm not sure if he likes me or not
Falling-- Waiting to see if they will "catch" you so to say
This is where it splits. They either "catch" you or they don't.
            **Catch: they like you, and inform you of their interest in you

As I refer back to this, I'm trying to think of a way to explain how I feel through this. Ive decided it's not possible. There aren't words that can explain the way I feel.(I'm so cliche it kills me.) But its finally true. Id thought that I had been in love before... I was completely wrong. What I feel now doesn't even compare to my past relationships. I'm finally happy. Truly happy. And theres only one person who has ever made me feel this happy.

I am IN love... so much, I swear its unhealthy.